I don't understand. I am having a lot of trouble understanding why the things that are happening lately are happening. Why were my babies robbed their time in my womb? Why was I not graced with a full term pregnancy? A pregnancy that I prayed and hoped and wished for. Why do my babies continue to struggle and struggle every single day? I don't understand. Why, just when we finally get comfortable with nurses and doctors we trust and love, why do they get taken from us? Why do the hits keep coming? I just don't understand. I am frustrated and sad and worn out and worst of all, my babies are hurting and I can't fix it. I just don't understand.
(A)
I don't understand, either. It makes no sense. And it's not fair. And you shouldn't have been robbed. And they shouldn't have been robbed. And none of you should be going through this. Fuck it all. ((hugs))
ReplyDeleteThere are no words my beautiful friend. I am spending most of my days thinking about the four of you AND NOT FUCKING UNDERSTANDING EITHER. A cruel, fucking awful treacherous uphill battle fraught with peril and it never ends. More twists and turns. I am holding you from afar. Surrounding you with strength to keep fighting, to keep going. Sending you energy and love when you feel like you have no more. I am sending those boys so much love and light and healing. xoxoxo
ReplyDeleteOh Aly. I don't understand either. I don't know the answer and even if I did, it still would not justify any of this. Please know that the Gambrells are keeping you all four in our thoughts and prayers.
ReplyDeleteIt is not fair. It just isn't. I cannot even begin to imagine the pain. I try so hard to wish your grey clouds away. Thinking of you & the boys often... Hoping & wishing & praying.
ReplyDeleteI don't understand a fucking thing about why this is happening. It make no sense to me at all. Please know that you, David and the wee gentle men are in my thoughts and prayers all the time. I send you so much love, and hope that tonight, tomorrow, the day after tomorrow and far beyond are better. xoxo
ReplyDeleteThere is no reason, no good explanation and absolutely no fairness in any of this. Not one bit. For any of you. I wish there was something I could say or do to ease the pain and lift even one of the many anvils you are carrying o your back. For us long termers the NICU is a very dark place for a very long time. Most days you are able to find even the tiniest glimmer of light to celebrate. And other days, like today, the darkness feels suffocating and you just want to run and run and run. I know our boys have very different issues but I hope you can feel our arms reaching out to you in the darkness and I hope that helps you feel less alone. You all are always in our thoughts and I look forward to the day that we can celebrate when the light begins to shine for you and your beautiful family.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry Aly. I don't understand it either. It makes absolutely no sense. Still praying and hoping hard for all 4 of you. Lord, please work in Charlie and Henry's bodies to heal them. I pray that Charlie's "infection" or whatever it is would go away and that he would pee and poop normally again. I pray for Henry that his BPs would normalize and he would become stable again after his surgery. I pray that both Charlie and Henry would grow strong. God, I also ask that you would give A and D peace and wisdom as they sort through more information and doctors and nurses and surgeons every single day. Give them confidence and help them to make the best decisions they can for their boys. In Jesus' name. Amen.
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