Over the weekend I alluded to a story involving milk. It's a difficult story for me to tell without sounding rather gushing with love and admiration for my wife but here goes. When they were born, Aly knew that if she wanted to feed them breast milk, she would need to pump for a while. I make no claim to understand the process but it wasn't an option to just postpone and try and start up breast feeding them later in, say, March. So, back in November, Aly started pumping milk and dropping it off at the hospital's milk bank. The lovely people that work at the milk bank were very encouraging and crongulatory about her progress. Then, a few days ago, we were approached to talk about how much space we were using. Regular readers will know that the boys are not using a lot of milk. Bowel surgeries have had us reliant on TPN. So, Aly's months of production were beginning to overload the hospital freezers. Politely, we were asked to take some home. Not all of it, just half of what they had;
As Aly said, a lot of this is hard to understand. Aly has been pumping milk several times a day for months and the boys can't fully take it yet. It is just another layer of the strange torture that being a mother to premature babies presents. We are feeling confident that this process is turning around, though. Both boys are tolerating their feeds. All together now; nutrition, nutrition, nutrition. We don't know for sure how Henry and Charlie are going to get the nutrition they need as we move forward, but we do know that if they can tolerate breast milk, their mother has made sure that they will get as much as they want.
(D)
This made me cry. Partly, because I can remember so vividly, for the comparatively brief moments, when all I could do for my baby, that no one else could do for her, was pump milk. I was fucking determined to pump milk, that was all I had to give, feeling hopeless and unsure. And partly because you are an amazing rock star, a determined, fierce loving bright light and it overwhelms me how all of you have shown such grace, courage and strength in the darkness. Praying for your Dad, your mom and as always the fightingfitzies.
ReplyDeleteThis picture is worth a million words. I cried when I saw it. Brava, Aly! That is a super-hero achievement. Pumping is not easy, & not everyone can. I think I never would have got the hang of it if I hadn't signed up for a pump study at Baylor. That milk just seems like a visual representation of all the effort you guys are putting in to being parents, and I'm awed by all the love & exhaustion. Thank you for keeping up this blog! I've learned a lot-- things that other friends in similar situations weren't able to communicate so well-- and I hope you know I'm a dedicated reader even when I don't comment.
ReplyDeleteWhat hard work you are doing Aly! Pumping isn't an easy task when it's done while a mama works, let alone exclusive pumping. Your boys are lucky to have every drop.
ReplyDeleteI can see how it is a sad moment having the milk sent home as it means it is milk your boys have not yet been able to take in, but it is also a proud moment in the way that you've stuck with it and your body is producing despite all of the stress and separation.